August 18, 2008
So I was just talking with one of my good friends Glamorous online. There was this chick we went to college with who was always on this nappturality ish. She wore a weave for the majority of the time (the weave looked like semi-kinky natural hair). I personally had always thought she was natural underneath, but I guess we will never know. Well I was browsing through ‘the book‘ as I occasionally do and saw that she decided to get a relaxer. Yeah, I was a little taken aback by it. I showed it to Glam and here’s how the conversation went:
Glam: … it looked nice
Me: No it doesn’t. What’s nice about fried and laid to the side??? lol
Glam: I like relaxed hair but like I said abt the cell phone companies earlier & I will repeat abt hair….DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS, u ain’t got to like it or agree.
Me: I personally don’t give a **** because who’s gonna be able to get the 99.5% of black women who alter their hair to change anything?
Ok, I lied. I actually do care, but I also realize that there’s nothing I can do about it. She’s right, there are different strokes for different folks. About the cell phone companies….we also had a mini-argument earlier (it’s a waste of time trying to debate/argue with Glam) about T-mobile. We both have T-mobile (I’ve had it for ~6 years and she’s had it for 1 year) and she always complains and talks about how crappy the service is and on and on. So I had to step up for T-mobile, lol. Ok, so about this hair thing, it just really bothers me deep down in my soul that my fellow sistahs out there largely feel the need to alter the beautiful, natural crown of hair that the Lord has given them. So many complain about how unmanageable their hair is without Creamy Crack to the rescue. We sure managed before we made that long journey overseas and got a peak at that European beauty didn’t we? The chicks that really get on my nerves are the ones that wear relaxers and then complain that their hair is not growing or their hair is too thin. There are several commercials out there advertising products to remedy those issues. And I’m screaming at the TV, stop using the Creamy Crack idiots!!!!
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August 18th, 2008 at 7:20 PM
creamy cracky? LOL.. I agree what alot of female dont understand is that “frying” your hair causes more health issues. What kind? go read for it yourself!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:08 PM
You know I have to put my 2 cents in since this post was inspired by me….First off, some people may not like their natural hair, has it ever occured to you that some ppl are NOT happy being nappy. It wasn’t Europeans that was trying to straigthen our hair, it was US as Black folks specifically Black Americans that invented such products & in case, ur skeptical, please look up Madam CJ Walker, I have done EXTENSIVE research on her since I was in the 6th grade so I know what I’m talking abt. And before Madame Walker there was another lady whose name I can’t recall. And as far as the above commentors remarks abt Black women having health issues due to relaxers, Black men have the exact same health issues (hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes), so what’s their excuse??
August 20th, 2008 at 5:37 PM
@ Richard: I don’t recall mentioning anything about health issues.
@ Glam:
1) Of course some women may not like their natural hair. But how many of those women even know what their natural hair looks like or what it feels like to actually try to manage it? I don’t need to do any research to know that the number of us who have even had experience with our natural hair is very minimal. I was 17 and in college before I had that experience thanks to my mother who permed my hair before I knew any better.
2) If you re-read the post, you will notice that I said it wasn’t until we “got a peak at … European beauty” that folk like Madame CJ Walker were inspired to largely think about altering our hair TO LOOK LIKE THEIRS. I never mentioned that Europeans or any other Caucasians were trying to straighten our hair (I think they could care less what we look like back then and now). Furthermore, researching Madame CJ Walker is a mood point.
3) Again, I never mentioned anything about a connection between hair and health. I did a speech on the topic in college and the connection is very faint (if any). My issue is our self-image and idea of beauty.
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:03 AM
Great discussion here: http://www.new.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2210639143&topic=1685
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:25 PM
Well, you need to blame the parents for relaxing their young daughters’ hair & not society because I didn’t have that issue. I got a relaxer at a knowledgeable age & that’s what I wanted & what I choose to do because I could not manage my own “natural” hair. As far as the health issues go, I do not think Richard is referring to your particular post because I have heard of such assertions before. And I will end this by saying that Black people never follow, we are the leaders in style & fashion. White people follow us. There was a brief period of time where women wore their natural hair proudly even after relaxers were invented & that was before your time in the 70s so maybe that’s why you are so upset. Black people set trends not conform by what the white man says is cool, so you may feel some are trying to be more European but I say Europeans are trying to be like us. I have seen plenty of sew-ins, weaves, lace fronts, extensions & everything else on as many white women as Black & who you think they got that from…it definitely wasn’t the Koreans but US.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:20 PM
Where exactly do individuals get their values from? Are you implying that society (better yet, history in this case) has nothing to do with individual values and decisions?
“Of course those who get relaxers don’t consciously think they are aiming to resemble white women, neither do their mothers or grand mothers or whomever the black women in their lives were. But sub consciously that is the reason behind it, back then black women with either the loose curls and wavy hair were more desirable more favorable and those with the tight curls looked like run away slaves as one of the ladies so ‘nicely’ put it. So the women with the tight curls went to straighten their hair in order to be more desirable, being desired by whites was the ultimate goal. Being desired by whites may not be the goal these days but, being accepted, and approved of is. People whether it be conscious or sub want to be approved of, and accepted whether its by whites or blacks.” Source
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 PM
@ Glam: I am hardly upset. I could actually care less about the decisions that women as individuals make (including you–like you said: different strokes for different folks). To me, it’s just sad that wearing relaxers has become the status quo for black women.
Why is it that just because I’m wearing my hair in its natural state I have to feel like I’m doing something that is so out of the ordinary (as if I’m the one being a rebel)? Why does it have to be labeled “natural” anyway? You see some mixed girl with “good hair” that is wavy and you don’t hear anyone commenting on her “natural” hair. It’s just hair!
I don’t know what to say about the weaves thing. IMO it’s another tool we subconsciously (thanks RocKStar) use to be accepted (in the case of black women). Of course, white women see it as a way to lengthen/enhance their hair as well and that’s all good. As a sidenote, weaves are used by both those with natural and relaxed hair, so I don’t quite see where that fits into this discussion (but then again I do but it’s not a strong argument). This is about changing the hair that is growing from our scalp….in droves!!! I also recognize that style & fashion also play a role and have their places.
Finally, I just have got to say that I think anyone who does not acknowledge the fact that slavery and the mentality that it created had something to do with this is either plain dumb as rocks or is in denial.
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:08 PM
For me, it’s a mainteneance thing. My sister went natural about 2 years or so ago. When she first started, she would be in the mirror forever trying to get her afro to look just right. As her hair got longer, she started twisting it. This is the style of choice now. On the other hand, I look at myself. A quick flat iron or wrap at night and a comb through and I am done; not to mention, the ever loving ponytail. It is just easier
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 PM
Its a preference in style for me. Manageability, ease and flexibility. I spend 5 minutes on my do if that much.
All in all it comes down to preference in style. Not into braids and dreads. Just a personal preference.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:26 PM
I see the argument online all the time from women who get relaxers: It’s style…it’s manageability…flexibility. I wonder what’s so flexible about sitting in a chair for hours on in, getting a relaxer, going through hair drying and finally styling the hair. That crap takes all day!!! Then, to curl/flat iron every day or so is never good…all that heat can only do harm. Yes, we can flat iron our hair in 5 min…well, maybe some of you can but when I did have a relaxer my hair was very long (it grows very, very fast) and although I don’t have coarse hair, it’s thick and with the length it would take me at least 25 minutes to flat iron/curl because my hair was down to the middle of my back. Even when I had a relaxer, I didn’t put heat on my hair more than once a week if that.
And what about the breakage? Because my hair grows so fast and was pretty strong dispite the fact that I was damaging it with the relaxer (coupled with the fact that I didn’t use much heat), I never had the issues with my edges breaking badly, but I see so many females with ponytails with an inch or so in width of broken off hair. That is ridiculous!! Not pretty…not good at all.
As a “natural,” I don’t spend much time “styling” my hair. I wet it, rub my fingers through it and go. But even if that weren’t the case, I think we need to be careful when judging how long it takes someone who is new to being natural to do their hair (being mindful of the stage they are at in transition) in comparison to someone who has had a relaxer for years and is used to doing the relaxed hair. Yeah, it may only take you a few minutes to ‘style’ your relaxed hair, but what are you really doing to it? Flattening it out? That’s usually the gist of relaxed “styling” that is not done at the salon. The person who is just getting acquainted with their natural hair will get quicker with practice just as those with relaxed hair get quicker. On that note…I rarely see people with relaxed hair who have a variety of styles…simply flat ironing and bending the ends isn’t a “style” to me. Usually, I don’t see a “style” unless the woman went to the salon, or she got her hair cut into a “style” that she can “manage” at home. People with natural hair have a lot more flexibility and options than people who relax their hair…we don’t just get braids and, AHEM, locks. Dreads are dirty, unmanaged mats of hair. Locks are absolutely beautiful, neat, and have many, many ways in which you can style them. You can do so much more at home with natural hair that you can do with relaxed hair. This is coming from someone who normally did her relaxers and styled her own hair at home. People always complimented me on my hair and even asked if I could do theirs. There’s so much more I can do now that I’m natural. Less skin irriation, less chemicals to deal with, no foul odors, long waiting times for a hairdresser, or the looonnng process of relaxing then styling…I have my weekends to do other things…every weekend.
Yes, it would be difficult and take longer to do natural hair when all you know is chemically processed hair and that’s all that everyone around you knows, practically. You end up trying to learn on your own at it takes time. It’s new! But really, it doesn’t make relaxed hair more manageable or flexible. Everything new must be learned. It’s just sad that the hair that grows from your scalp is “new” to you. Really sad. Oh, and did I mention that fleeing from water is optional??? That you can relax and enjoy yourself in the pool/body of water without freaking out about your hair (I wasn’t every that type of person, but there’s plenty out there). A whole new world is open to you. Imagine that! LOL LOL LOL
September 11th, 2008 at 3:46 PM
First off, I am knowledgeable abt slavery and its impact on Black people and their self image but how long are we going to use slavery as an EXCUSE…yes, I said it. If we feel bad about ourselves and our images and we KNOW better now than guess whose fault it is, OURS. If a Black woman chooses to relax or stay natural, that’s her business, as long as she’s happy & her hair is healthy which many of the relaxed women’s hair aren’t, I will admit to that. Just because you are natural doesn’t make you a rebel or outside the box, you’re just natural not special. Hair takes time to be done & managed and even for natural women, such as Neci. And Neci can go ahead & tell you all that she sits up in somebody’s chair for hours on end to get her sister locks right so Indignant’s argument isn’t quite valid but I do agree with the rest of Indignant’s post. My point is every natural woman I know takes about as much time if not more with their hair. Does it make one style better than the other, no…like stated by Nekesha & Sophia, it’s a preference and choice. Yall can say the white man brain washed them all you like but if that’s how they feel then it is what it is.
As for you, Neci, I mentioned weaves because many Black women wear them and I THOUGHT the comment section was abt MY opinions. Yes, I realized you are making an argument abt relaxed vs. natural but you started off by making the assumption that so many Black women are trying to be European and I wanted to let you know that many white women are doing the same things as us and we don’t seem to mention it to them or say that they “hate themselves” for wearing extensions. You even justified white women wearing weaves as a way to “lengthen/enhance their hair” but if Black women do it, its self hatred & they need to love what God gave them on their heads….it just seems to me that there is a double standard on beauty for white women & beauty for Black women…